why wait

why am i waiting, not that i dont think its worth it. but why the hell am i here, stuck watching all of these other people enjoy what i have to wait for. i am here, a good person in myriads of ways, and you tell me to wait, and get mad when i question you? what kind of bullshit is this? maybe i need to start being more honest with you, i am not your bitch, so stop acting like i am. i would treat you more like a queen if we were in a relationship, but we are not, so stop fucking asking me to do everything for you, i mean i provide food, alcohol, among other things...and what do i get? "can you get up and get me some gingerale thats right over there, becasue i dont feel like getting up off of my lazy ass?" with no please...fuck that. i fucking hate that i love you like i do, because if i didnt, i would have opened up a bunch of bullshit on you. i have been here before, and had girls tell me they wish they had given me a chance...so what the fuck are you waiting for, stop bathing in the attention your slutty BEHAVIOR gets you, and learn to enjoy something different, this is bullshit jess, grow the fuck up!

so yea...i was wrong.

Im beginning to think that this girl may never be out of my life. its extremely weird to say that to myself, but i can and feel like its true. we have talked about the possibility of a future for us, but that was a very brief convoluted conversation. despite all of those things that i said and meant, I just cant pull myself away, under a spell i cant break, i just cant stop. ahhh fuck life its so weird sometimes, i swear im not a creep, just a hopeless romantic.